If you could spy on your significant other's emails or voice mails completely undetected, would you?

Total Voters: 1252 Yes 30% No 30% Maybe 30% Amanda 12/06/07 2:39pm Yep Dove there is much drama in that Statment, but I completely understand. Those of my Path and Faith go through what we call the Dark Night of the Soul. It is not so much about torment but about when we cannot see what is in front of us and we know we cannot go back.We are suspended over a pit as it were ( see the hanged man in most tarot) We wonder if our experiences were all just delusions we fed ourselves or if our majick was that. ..really majick. usually during these times we are being catapulted into our next phase of developement and some old and useless things must go as we have clung to them like greedy children. In otherwords if we do not change we will be changed once we walk upon this Path. LU 12/06/07 12:16pm Hello Gentledove. If you want REAL help, ask GOD. He is always there. Next, WAIT for him to answer. Gentledove 12/06/07 7:39am Thanks for the suggestion Amanda..it worked but am not able to enter it again...nvm..it's over...I don't feel like chatting anymore...by the way...if the site administers could consider posting a new query, I have a suggestion>>>>"DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?" and my answer for that would be>>>IT'S ****! THERE ISN'T ANYTHING LIKE THAT! AND I DONOT BELIEVE THE THEORY ANYMORE! I WOULDNT EVEN LOOK AT HIM IF HE STOOD BEFORE ME! As the phrase goes"HOLY ****!">>>>Could someone kindly guide me to HELL??? coz Ive begun to believe in that...OH! DOVEY IS SUCH A DRAMATIST! Amanda 12/06/07 5:33am I understood that...but I cannot fathom why she would be in a relationship thinking like that?? Oh well... Bam Bam 12/06/07 5:03am I think in a round 'about way what Vicky is saying is that all men lie. Amanda 12/05/07 7:54am Just out of curiosity, Vicki why would you be with a person like that? Vicky 12/05/07 5:08am Yall is so stupid i dont trust my man with his unfaithful lying self! Bam Bam 12/04/07 1:03pm Yes, yes a new poll Pleeze!! Zera 12/04/07 10:21am CAN WE PLZ HAVE A NEW POLL ??? THANK YA !!!! Amanda 12/04/07 6:38am Dove the room works now so you should be able to get in it. All else fails send me a PM on my account and I'll see what I can do Gentledove 12/04/07 6:06am Am in deep troubles...could somebody just ask one of my friends in the chat to give me some reading??? I haven't been read for the last 3 months and I've been through Hell all these years...could somebody just do Dovey a small favour...??? KMS 12/02/07 3:17pm If you were cheated on in the past and you don't trust your current relationship then your obviously not ready for dating and need more time to heal that is definitely no excuse to snooping. However, I beleive If you think your current partner is cheating on you then go for it, but, bear in mind the consequences right or wrong if you get caught or you catch them. Otherwise, if you really don't have a reason to peak then don't peak that's just rude. So would I? No. Cheers =) Amanda 12/02/07 5:14am Thanks Dove and that is my point entirely. Any sort of past issue including the pain belongs in the past. If something 'causes' you to not trust then it is you (a generic collective) that has a problem and not anyone else. No one has the right to treat anyone badly due to the past. I know I diodn't like my privacy violated and I really could understand where the one lady who posted about her sending an email to her ex about him comming and getting his things was comming from. Male or female there are those out there who think if they are with you in any way that they have a free pass to all of your things and that simply isn't true. A perosn has a right to keep a journal and not have it read, a person has a right to have emails and not have them read, and so on. it doesn't mean your 'keeping secrets' and so what if you are, that doesn't mean your doing anything wrong either. I have spent a long time watching these things and experienceing these things. I know many who have very personal things on their computers and don't want anyone to see them for whatever reason. That is their business. Who knows, they may be a part of an online recovery or victems group and may not be in a place to share that. Who has the right to violate that and where is the trust? I mean this person I was married to ( I cannot call him a man) didn't even recognize my brothers number. Nothing was sacred. I just don't believe in living that way. Gentledove 12/01/07 10:51pm AWWWE Amanda...I dunno whether I should comment but you definitely touched me. Emotional blackmail is the key to all unsuccessful relationships. Judging and treating the current partner based on past experiences is something next to idiocy coz the past should be where it ought to be..into oblivion... [Take care folks...Dovey has launched a brand new chat site in this polling forum...YOU'RE INVITED!!!] Amanda 12/01/07 3:41pm Had it happen and it's no fun. MY ex was a neurotic insecure jerk that used the excuse his ex cheated so he had to know what I was up to. Yeah well he made a real jerk out of himself when he took my brothers number and said right off the bat 'who the f###' are you to him. My brother told him he was the one who got him (my exes) current job. I have lived like that, nothing sacred, nothing private and all on an excuse from the past. It's a load of crap. Deal with your issues and don't make others responcible. Funny thing is though, I had plenty of opportunity to do that to him, but never did. I just will NOT sink that low. Anni 12/01/07 10:55am Until you have had someone violate private your space rembember this "SOMETIMES WEARING SOME-ONE ELSES SHOES HURTS YOU/R F.........EN FEET" so next time you feel the need to violate someones space slip on those shoes and see how it feels.... Amanda 12/01/07 9:05am At any rate I really don't see snooping and spying as healthy. I don't think that using past experiences to justify snooping or accessing another persons emails or voice mails is fair either. Most people have a lot that has 'happened' to them, but that is the action of one person in one situation. What goes on in the present is something else all together different or one would hope it would be. Bottom line you can't balme anyone for how you feel or what you think. It's your mind and your emotions..if you don't trust someone don't be around them..but don't violate them either. Gentledove 12/01/07 5:20am Grins evilly...hehehe...Dovey has got two [NOS]..1ST NO>>>NO SPYING FOR THE POLL!...2ND NO>>>NO COMMENTS ON THE DEBATE!....hehehehe...Lots of luuuv and laughter and remorse...missing my friends terribly...Mwwwwa!!! ~_^ Bam Bam 11/30/07 7:16pm LOL@MommaBear.com that was funny! Amanda 11/30/07 2:35pm Zera that is what I have said. If you don't like how I comment or what I have to say, simply do not read it and if you really think it is that bad then report it. But do not hold me responcible for your feelings. They're yours. Not mine. For what its worth if you go back through MANY poles you will see Bam Bam has a long history of attacking people...long before I was here. So really as far as I can tell I am just another in a long line of people for her to make out to be the bad guy. The difference is I genuinely know I am not and don't actually care about her feelings as I se her as some one who sets themselves up for it . Debates are not always nice, but for anyone to take a general comment ( yes I read over what I have written) and take it a sole attack on them is ludicrous and sad. Again as I said, you don't like my comments, don't read them. My name is right beside them and if you can read that much you know how to push a button and make it all go away. Zera 11/30/07 10:04am Bam Bam honey, well said. Amanda well said also. Now shake hands n if u cannot, dont reply to each other or comment on each other again. Simply read n the either agree to disagree n move on. U both did well. xoxoxoxxoxo Bam Bam 11/30/07 6:02am Zera to politely answer your question about noses in a bundle; if you'll read both Amanda's comments that led to this she specifically addressed me. I told her my opinion was loud and clear after she felt the need to explain what the question was asking...but then she felt the need to reiterate the same thing with her so called insulting analogy. A simple sorry didn't mean it that way would have sufficed. She can't even do that. I've had many disagreements in here with lots of people and have always left with a better understanding of that person and their points of view. Amanda seems to be all about the fight and will keep "flaming" as someone said the keep it going. She did this in that last poll..I've actually agreed with her on many of her points in this poll and hoped to put our differences behind us. But, it's as if she skips over what was actually responded to entirely and keep on going with her train of thought. To me that's deliberate or she doesn't read the comments completely. If she had there would be no need to use an analogy. Example: Told her my answer was loud and clear and she felt the need to re-state what the question actually asked a second while using an anaology as if we didn't get when she first wrote it. Who is she to tell me or anyone what the question is asking or how to frame an answer?? As you said Zera we're all entitled to write what we want with free speech and all and interpret things as we see them in our lives and should be able to do so without this hatred. I've apologized that my comment hurt Amanda's feelings. I'm tired of the garbage and the threats. Amanda 11/30/07 4:51am You know if I didn't have someone yelling at me and accusing me of insulting them then this would not be nessisary at all. Aparrently it is my sworn duty to be uber sensitive to others. The world doesn't work that way. I have just as much right to state what I think and why as any one else does. Others have a right to not like it, or ignore it or what have you. What makes anyones opinion more or less valid, nothing. I am sick of Bam Bam singling me out and accusing me of directing what I have to say at her. If it is for her I put her name there, if it is general, then her name nor anyone elses is not there. Again she needs to back off and get over it. I am not here for her or anyone else to pick apart. Ididn't start this but I will finish it. Zera 11/30/07 12:15am Agree to DISagree n then let this here go. No need 4 us all to gang up on one or the other. Whatever happened to free speech? Free Thought n all that?? Jesus u ALL forget we ALL have basic human rights to say do n type what we wanna. Why some gets their hose in a bundle I dunno. Instead juss agree u disagree n stop the competition of highschool popularity. Lord knows that is more than enough of in the various chatrooms online. Thank u darlings. Gentledove 11/29/07 11:36pm LoL at Christine's comments! heehee! Cool it was! All I love in these comments is the language they use...heehee...be they nasty or genius let's concentrate on the philosophy.....it somehow makes my soul stir...hehe...KEEP IT UP SWEETOS! [Mwwwa!...sigh..dovey is trying real hard to get into the live chat...and she has almost driven the site administrator nuts...chuckles...~_^] Christine 11/29/07 8:37pm Holy crap. Now I know why I don't chat or post. Some people need to get a hobby. Jeez! And people wonder why there is so much hate and war in the world. Cause certain people have a hate-on for each other and they never even met. Lets chat nice. Thanks. Love this site by the way. Lets keep it a great one> Mommabear 11/29/07 7:19pm How old is this little girl Amanda? My god grow up this isnt high school!!! People have every right to their opinions! It's a freaking amendment! GET A LIFE!!! Amanda 11/29/07 2:56pm Whoever you are..how about have a nice hot cup of shut up. There..that is an insult and I will be damned if I apoligize for anything I have written. You don't like it tough..call the people who own this board or ignore it all together. I will NOT have some faceless jerk tell me what I need to do.Or some over sensitve windbag for that matter. Now..that was an insult..see the difference. Syn_Big 11/29/07 1:58pm Knock it off already. Why don't you all spend this much time debating over a new President or whirrled peas??? Amanda suck it up and apologize...Bams did! You both have good points mostly the same opinion. Oh yeah..no spying here but there could be some circumstances I might consider it. Amanda 11/29/07 6:15am Bam Bam I feel for you. Contrary to what you make think my comment was not an attempt to insult you nor anyone else for that matter. I think it would be best if you attempted to practice what you preach. If I want to insult you believe me I will and not you nor anyone else here will be able to mistake what I have to say for anything BUT an insult. Get over it as you simply are not that important. As far as the need to spy regardless of reasoning I simply don't believe in that. At the end of the day you either can trust someone or you can't. Whether it is a personal issue with an individual or whether you (understand you in the plural sence) are just one that holds everyone in suspicion is kinda moot as well. Bottom line if you have to spy, theres something terribly wrong and most likely has been for a long time. Bam Bam 11/29/07 5:04am Gentledove you still trying to get into chat room? Have you contacted site administrator? They can probably help you =) DavidN 11/28/07 6:14pm I put "maybe".. if the federal government is spying on us.. (probably right now, too) I suppose we can do it to each other.. lol Gentledove 11/28/07 5:15pm FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW...WHEN IS THE SITE GOING TO CHANGE BACK TO THE OLDER FORMAT???? I FEEL SO LONELY NOW.... MsKarma 11/28/07 9:53am Wow! I've just read all of the varying comments and emotions. I voted NO (for those that believe that I'm lying...when you point your finger at someone else, you usually have 3 pointing at yourself). I don't know the ages of everyone; however, I believe that the youth are far more likely to peek and feel justified. I'm 'middle-aged', and feel no need to spy. If I want to know that bad, I'll ask; however, to each their own. Let's have more faith in ourselves and our value in this world. You don't get your 'worth' from someone else. Bam Bam 11/28/07 5:17am Just because you used an analogy to launch an insult doesn't make it okay. Firewater 11/28/07 5:15am Amanda what you are doing is called flaming. Bam Bam apologized to you. Besides, everyone is entitled to their own opinion no matter how they want to answer the question. It doens't mean they don't know how to read. That's pretty upsetting and insulting I would think to anyone especially if you outright accuse them of it. Have you read your own comment to Bam Bam on 11/26? That's just wrong girl! Personally I fee u deserved to get fired upon for that one. The way I read your comment I could just see you sticking your tongue out at everyone in class who got it wrong. There's no rules on how to answer these questions. This kind of crap ruins the fun, lighten up girl! My favorite quote says "You never learn anything by hearing yourself talk." Amanda 11/27/07 4:08pm Bam Bam if you take what I have to say as insulting then thats too bad. What was stated is something called an analogy. Look it up. BTW, try reading some of your own nasty comments before you fire on someone else. You aren't exactly the queen of collectiveness either. Zera 11/27/07 5:54am OK OK OK ZIMMER DOWN GR8 GUYS. WE ALL AGREE. SNOPPING IS BAD 4 ANY N ALL REASONS. YET SOMETIMES SUCH IS WARRENTED AS SOME HAS MENTIONED. BUT COME ON WE ALL DONT STOOP AS LOW TO JUMP TO THE VOICEMAIL, MAILS N CELL PHONE OF OUR PARTNER LIKE SNAP WHEN WE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY. NO WE BRING IT UP N OUT, BC WE MAY B WRONG. IF A RELATIONSHIP HAS TO FUNCTION COMMUNICATION IS NEEDED. ALONG TRUST. THOSE WHO DO NOT TRUST CANNOT B COMMUNICATION AT ALL. SO GUYS WE ALL AGREE ON ITS BAD TO SNOOP. N IF NOT WE AGREE TO DISAGREE N WE CAN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT POLL QUESTIONS. HAPPY SEASONS FOLKS. Bam Bam 11/27/07 5:18am Yes, i am aware that is screaming at someone. I'm glad my point got accross to you. You were being just as sarcastic and rude in your "following directions" comment. I'm not the only one in here who has an opinion based on experiences and some folks have extenuating circumstances for this type of "spy" behaviour and it doesn't make them wierd or have issues. Your comment was insulting not just to me but quite possibly to others in here who didn't have a simple yes or no answer to give. Instead of asking someone to elaborate more on their opinion and learning about them you write back "I totally disagree", "Personally I feel" or the "the bottom line is" as if your opinion is somehow better or more qualifed than theirs. I decided to try and be nice to you after what happened in our last poll it was out of hand..If you look at my November 23rd comment I was agreeing with you on this very topic we are disagreeing about today "being able to read". After you read my Nov 23rd go and read your Nov 24th comment...now that is hateful. You don't seem to know when the olive branch has extended to you. I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt, but, it would seem you owe an apology to some folks in here as well. Gentledove 11/27/07 3:44am LOL... It's one's birth right to express oneself in a balanced manner...so if we are pointing out our thoughts without injuring anybody's DIGNITY then it's something to be respected...but...if the trend of the dicussion warns us of any looming arguement..then it is healthy to either answer it sportingly without regarding it as a PERSONAL ATTACK...or...to avoid participating in it..coz this WORLD is Half occupied by highly sensitive souls..[LIKE ME ~_^]..chuckles! Amanda 11/26/07 7:52pm Bam Bam Not I nor anyone else has attacked you nor has any one said anything to you unless your name was written in and there is no need to be sarcastic and hateful. We choose to answer the question the way we read it...if it makes you mad or what have you fine, but stop with the hateful attitude as it serves no purpose and it really is immature. Oh and you are aware online when you lock your caps you actually are screaming at someone? thanks One that never lived 11/26/07 6:29pm Shaza!! Bam Bam 11/26/07 6:23pm Well let's give Amanda an A for following directions in elementary school. If you were in charge of this poll we'd all be answering yes or no and there would be no real discussion only your opinion which as usual if not agreed with someone get's lambasted for idiocy. Nothing in this world is in BLACK AND WHITE and this poll has no directions. People have reasons for their opinions and they are entitled to read into to the question however they damn well choose and respond accordingly. ITS A DISCUSSION ROOM! If you don't like it that is of course your problem. You are not the end all be all of information on the topic or forum etiquette get over yourself! Am,anda 11/26/07 2:32pm Not a whole lot on this end of things Casey 11/26/07 12:54pm Wat yall up to aint heard from yall in a while Gentledove 11/26/07 12:11pm Could somebody change the QUESTION??? CHUCKLES! Am afraid a world war 3 is about to break...so just change it...MISSES ALL HER WELL N ILL WISHERS...~_^ !!! Prettyeyes 11/26/07 8:51am Well the only one that call's him is his and a few friends.cuz everyone else always call's on my phone for anyway,LOL,........:) Gentledove 11/26/07 8:48am LOL! HAHA...cool! I miss you too ALCHEMY and I'm following you advice...Hope you peeps are missing DOVEY..........????????!!!!!! Amanda 11/26/07 7:41am To adress bam bam. the question does not allude to anything other than if you had the opportunity to spy would you. Doesn't indicate cheating or anything else. If that was what they were asking then they would have put that in the question. I agree with whomever said that people were reading to much into the question. It reminds me of the tests our teachers would give us periodicly. On the paper it would say follow direction exactly. The first direction was to read the entire sheet first. well most people ( including me) would read that, go to the next instruction and do it. At the bottom, if you had read the entire sheet it told you to do none of the things on the paper except for the first instruction..which was to simply read the entire sheet first. Amanda 11/26/07 6:53am I know how you feel Dove. Alchemy 11/25/07 5:44pm I would rather die..... No way! Gentledove 11/25/07 4:21pm Thanks AMANDA...I guess I'll have to commence a chat site in this polling booth unless the peeps in charge let me in....SIGHS...DOVEY MISSES ............BENTE....VIVIANA....CAT...UR**** MAN...ME...MAGENTA....JEFF...AZY....AND ALL.... Bam Bam 11/25/07 12:32pm Amanda my answer (comment) read loud and clear as well. I said very clearly it is in bad taste to spy simply because you can (this obviously encompasses me as well). I also said if you find yourself with the opportunity to spy; find something else to do as it is Rude. Like I said before some of us need to read the entire comment before responding. Well said Frederik! Amanda 11/25/07 6:01am Dove I think chat is down as I cannot get in either. as far as Bam bams comment well we read, but we disagree and there is no law stating that disagreeing cannot happen. In the frame work of what was actually asked I still say no. The question was not if the youthought your SO was being dishonest or cheating, the question was interesting ly enough if you could snoop totally undetected and not get caught would you. The question speaks loud and clear. Are you a nosey busy body? Gentledove 11/25/07 5:31am Honours your wife with a GOLD MEDAL Frederik! That was cool indeed! Now could somebody just HELP me get inside the CHAT???? [YELPS! the poor PUPPP!] So, we win...The answer for the POLL is...........[[[[[[[[ NEVER EVER SNEAK INTO OTHER'S PRIVATE AFFAIRS!!! BAD MANNERS!!!!....Dovey points out her stubby fingers at all the SNOOPIES on EARTH! ]]]]]]]] (chuckles....!) Frederik 11/25/07 4:44am I cheated on my wife ONCE and because she snooped she caught me before something worse happened. I would NOT snoop for the heck of it though and neither would she. I am greatful she looked though, I realized how much I loved her still and we're still married 5 years later. Someone asked if you could guarantee whether or not your S/O would be understanding if you looked and found nothing/something? Well, only YOU can answer that and YOU should be able to if you know your partner well enough to answer that yourself. If your partner is doing something that makes you feel insecure talk to them first and if it continues and your soul is telling you that something is wrong then yes peak into it further. It saved my marriage and I'm glad she didn't just leave me because she had a feeling about it. To leave without confirmation WELL what if your wrong about that? You shouldn't just leave someone without knowing the whole truth. If your S/O is being deceiful then peaker is FAIR GAME like it was in my circumstance. I was not mad that she snooped only that I got caught. But, like I said I'm glad she caught me...our marriage is stronger than ever and I'd never do it again!! REMEMBER ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR BABIES!! I LOVE THAT MY WIFE HAD THE BALLS TO DO WHAT SHE DID! Bam Bam 11/25/07 4:26am I think everyone in here has answered the question under every possible circumstance. I think some folks don't read all the way through some peoples comments. Not every question is simply black and white. From many of the comments I've read the main focus is why someone would do it...why and under what circumstances they feel it would be wrong. That doesn't mean they don't know how to read to say that is not only arrogant it's rude. We really should respect another persons experiences and what they have to say. That's why were able to leave comments and have discussions in this forum. Zera 11/25/07 4:22am Amanda : RIGHT ON GIRL !!!!!! This is my point all the way. If u no trust ur partner fine, skip town then. Snopping will only get ya ****ted on by urself or others. So not WORTH IT!!! To those who thinks my partner n I can share all he she dont mind me snooping. Well do u know 4 certain?? Can u say 150% that they do not mind??? Are u willing to bet ur last shirt on that? As said, an mail, an sms or whatever can be deciphered in wrong way n then u have the mess. So I say again, if u look for **** u find ****. Period. Amanda 11/24/07 5:13pm Particia thats kinda the point I was making. She had no business reading his email to begin with. Why get so upset over someone asking you to come get your things? That is exactly the kind of fear and paranoia that ruins what could have been a good relationship. I don't buy they 'my ex cheated so the next person has to make up for it' scenario. I had my ex hubby go into my purse and search my things. I was gone about two weeks after that. Bottom line if you don't trust me then fine, don't, but youre not going to be a part of my life either. I don't owe it. Patricia 11/24/07 1:29pm I had this in reverse lately. I sent an email to an ex to come get his stuff out of my apartment. His new girlfriend read it. He showed up at my apartment yelling at me for ruining his new relationship. I had to break the news to him that someone reading someone else's email is wrong. Now he's coming to my house for coffee and conversation more often as well. Be careful if you do read it, you may misread something and end up having the opposite effect you desire! Amanda 11/24/07 12:05pm Why thank you Zera. Zera 11/24/07 8:48am Well said Amanda. Well said indeed. Amanda 11/24/07 3:15am I do agree. It is a simple question. Seems some cannot read it though. It says would you sneak? NO and No and No because sneaking is stealing and theives are really liars. Gentledove 11/23/07 11:23pm LMAO! I can't believe you people have been adding so many words for such a simple question???? HAAHAA!!! That's funny indeed! Well, if you'd ask what i think, I'd say, "No, because my conscience does not allow that! " [ psst...Iam not able to log into this site ever since they changed the format...someone kindly help me! I need to enter it somehow! (sigh!) ] Dovey misses you all...awwwe...poor me... Mink 11/23/07 8:56pm Its unfair to do it. I would'nt want him to sneak around my "things"eventhough theres nothing to hide. So I wouldnt do it.Everyone has a right to his/her privacy. Its upsetting when ones personal space is violated. A person who sneaks around other peoples privacy cannot be a "good, thruthful" person. Its a shameful ad deceitful act and a person doing it should be ashamed of himself/herself. "Do unto others as you want others to do unto you" Bam Bam 11/23/07 5:25pm I think the fact that many marriages have no secrets and many of them like mine share in every aspect of the others life is a testament to true faith, trust and the ultimate respect for one another. In my last comment I never said a SO NEEDS to know every move, but, a good, solid relationship Never Needs To Ask. =) Amanda 11/23/07 3:16pm I personally feel only an insecure person needs to know every move their S.O makes. Others of us have real trust and that knowledge simply is not needed. We trust our S.O's bust most importantly we trust our inner selves to know truth when we see truth and a lie when we see a lie. All the rest is immaterial. Bam Bam 11/23/07 12:29pm Con't...Everything and everyone that comes into our lives affects the other person and as for opening someones mail; well we have no need for that because we have no secrets. No part of our lives is closed to the other person. Secrets cause mistrust, deciet and eventually leads to a separation of sorts. The only trust I give implicitly is to God. If your husband is (seriously) working overtime to buy you something nice then I guess he won't have to sneak and tell you later that he's working overtime. He'll simply tell you I"m working overtime and saving for a purpose. Secrets cause problems and feelings of insecurity. Someone feeling insecure about someone they love certainly doesn't make them paranoid..it's means they are aware. I think those folks that accuse others of being paranoid or "crazy" for snooping are usually the ones with something to hide. Amanda is right though, this poll asked specfically "would you do it if for no other reason than to do it" No I don't think that is right under those circumstances..that's just rude..when faced with that opportunity find something else to do. I think this question is better left for those who are dating & single and not married. Bam Bam 11/23/07 12:13pm When your married you do have the right to know every move they make. That is why it's a marriage. My husband and I do everything together, discuss bills together, medical needs together, children together..EVERYTHING Amanda 11/23/07 9:39am I see things this way. I wouldn't open his snail mail, it is addressed to him and not me. I either trust him or I do not. If he is working over time then that is going to be obvious. If his is stock piling some cash for something wonderful I like suprises. My ex hubby went in my purse, he felt entitled and clearly that is wrong. It doesn't matter whats in there..thats my business. I never cheated on the man, ever even though I had plenty of offers. You know when someone is lying, and you can catch them in it easily enough. People are using the excuse of cheating, but you know the question doesn't ask really why you would do it, just would you. In my book if you would then you are not any better then a theif. My last boyfriend was very secretive. That alone was enough for a cause of alarm. He is no longer my boyfriend. I didn't have to stoop to trying to access his emails or anything like that. I just knew he was not being honest, I could see he was choosing what he said carefully so as to technically not lie and he hung himself without any aid from me at all. You know the old saying, give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. You just don't have to stoop to a level of being a spy. I did say before if there was a lot financially riding on the line I'd hire a P.I. The reason, I want pics for court..thats always damning evidence. Thing about it is though as a human you know if you are being lied to and you should know if your partner is unfaithful. Why you need to read their stuff is beyond me. There can be many other reasons already stated that he or she is acting funny. It doesn't have to be cheating. It is a pity though to see how most people will jump to that conclusion and very interesting to see how the same people will not answer the 'what if' you did peak and then find out that she/he is actually either working to have something for you both or is in therepy and is sensitive about it or has something else going on that they feel at that time they cannot share. Just because you are married that does not give you free liscence to know every single move they make. I personally find that demand to be plain crazy. Everyone is entitled to privacy in both their thoughts and in their lives..married or not. Imitate 11/23/07 1:58am A simple question can be anwsered in so many different tongues. Zera you are right about that, what if it is for something grand? I think it has been stated time and time again, if you suspect your probably right to think so. An innocent motive can turn disastrous...Altho it still depends on how paranoid the person is. Zera 11/22/07 10:18am Just LOOK LOOK LOOK if their attention has been elsewhere??? aint that the same to say U CHEATED ON ME???? Why assume the worst??? What if it turns out he had taken more OT n hours at the office to afford something grand, like a second honeymoon, or that car u always wanted, or something u need 4 the home improvements??? What if its collegefunds 4 y kids he has worked his ass off over on??? HOW stupid would u look when he catches u with a fresh pile of **** in hand hand, snoopoing through his stuff??? Sorry to say, but this here shows that a lot of dames WILL SNOOP no matter what he is up to. U feel insecure so the cure is to SNOOP????? U feel left out, to feel in is to SNOOP??? Somethings is not right, n to do right u SNOOP??? Jesus ............. I 4 one can understand y u gals r SINGLES ........... so damn much Holy mother of EVERYTHING. Geezzzzz U gals have some serious issues, not just TRUST issues but HUMAN issues .......... Whoa this is ..... ...... Sweet mary of all. DANG !!!!!!!!!!!! I have no more words. Except I´m APPALLED at what some dames would do b4 looking at themselves 1st .......... JESUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Imitate 11/22/07 9:39am What if its just a mtter of wanting to know anything they are not telling you? Bam Bam 11/22/07 6:54am Women do cheat, but that doesn't mean they are only accusing their husband of doing it simply because they are. If you don't trust someone then leave absolutely son't bother snooping. But, if you trust someone for long time and then suddenly things begin to change and you start to wonder why he/she has become secretive and your gut starts telling you something is wrong. THEN LOOK LOOK LOOK! Hell Yes LOOOK! That's called Self Preservation and if your man/woman get's mad that you looked leave his/her ass anyway. He shouldn't be mad at your for looking if his attention has been elsewhere and it has caused you to doubt your relationship. If they get mad, then they probably are cheating. I saw it first hand numerous times in other couples! A loving spouse or SO would/should be understanding about your insecurities especially if they have inadvertently caused them. Feeling insecure doens't make anyone weird or have issues either. It makes them human! Happy Thanksgiving! Amanda 11/14/07 1:10pm Zera I agree. I mean I look at it this way. My now EX HUSBAND Zera 11/14/07 8:48am OMG this reminds me of the thief in the testaments. He was soooooooooooo sorry, UTTERLY sorry bc he was CAUGHT REDHANDED. What he wasn´t sorry about was that he had STOLEN. Cheating is STEALING. Its STEALING trust. I again say, if u do NOT trust ur partner, then u have a SERIOUS TRUST ISSUE PROBLEM. Plus when u snoop, spy n look through stuff that ain´t urs, u DO stick ya hand into a crappile, FRESH MADE. The stench alone is ur own making. Oh by the way, in case no one else knew, WOMEN CHEAT AS MUCH A MEN DO. So when u hear of such, DONT always assume the man did the cheating. May well be the WOMAN.ac PS: When women cheat, they project their guilt to their man n accuse him of adultery. Oh my do i see RED FACES NOW???? Bam Bam 11/14/07 7:01am Spying to do it I don't believe in. Then yes, you've got issues. If your married then there is no personal stuff. Having "personal stuff" puts up barriers in a relationship. It's okay to have personal time and time for friends. Your going on the basis "what if they were wrong" well then they have to deal with what they find out and hopefully feel ashamed. I'm saying what if they were right? Then who's the sneaky liar? What if you hire a PI to follow them and your wrong? That's even worse to have to admit to someone. I say get proof, then decide if you want the relationship, and if you don't then hire the PI get the photos and take everything. I know someone who got pissed that their spouse was spysing but it was only because they were actually doing something on the internet outside of the marriage. The spouse looked under the reason of suspicion and caught the other one. What's ridiculous is that the spouse was only pissed that the other went into the email...not that they were caught cheating! I think if you give your spouse reason enough to spy..then you deserve to get caught. As for boyfriend girlfriend relationships, well, thats a tough call it depends on how serious the relationship is. I say if your not married and you think he's a louse. Then just leave...odds are he probably is. Amanda 11/14/07 4:50am No Bam Bam it isn't rediculous at all. Would I hire a PI? Well if I were married and there was property on the line and what have you, sure. Here's the kicker you're not thinking of..what if they aren't..and you find out they're not..and you have violated their privacy and their trust..what then? How do you think the other person would feel? Would you compound one lie on top of another..not tell them you violated them and live with it? What kind of person does that make you? Probably the kind of person I was talking about. A sneak and a suspicious person and a liar. While hiring a PI is still spying at least you are not getting into their personal stuff..they are being followed and you get nice glossy photosif there's anything to photgraph. Not all are alike and while you may not know someone who has ever left a relationship on suspicion you have just now met them. How do you do? Bam Bam 11/13/07 4:40pm Amanda that's BS...hire a PI? Oh.. instead of an individual spying your saying hire a stranger to do it and pay good money. Either way that person is still spying whether they do it themselves or hire someone. As for if someone is cheating on you then it's one of two things..ONE you have either never been cheated on or TWO you should get a medal for such bravery and self preservation. I don't know anyone who has ever been able to just leave someone they love simply because they suspect it may be happening. Getting proof makes leaving possible for some people and for others it's what they need to fix a relationship. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with the individual that got cheated on. That is Ridicuous!!!! Amanda 11/13/07 5:52am I agree Zera. I mean why would you 'need proof' that a person is cheating. Either one or two things are going on. One is..She or He is and you don't need to be there or two, you have a serious issue within yourself..and youstill don't need to be there because you simply are not ready to trust. Bottom line, if your married and it's high stakes, Hire a PI..let them get the evidence. But no one should have access to anyones private materialsin a relationship I am seeing a guy/ haveknown him for two years. I trust him..but he is not invited into my emails and I don't peak over his shoulder when he's on the puter. What he's doing is none of my buisiness..period..if he wants me to know, then he'll tell me. Vice-versa is true. Zera 11/13/07 4:48am If ya snoop in ya partners stuff u then have a problem. A SERIOUS one to boot. Ya have trustissues, n no one can fix that 4 ya except yaself. Example, some girl wrote some advice column the following: Hi I did my guys boxers on laundry day. I saw something in there that shouldn´t be there, n I feel n believe he cheats on me. What should I do? The columnnist replied with what happens when many men sleeps n that its was a natural healthy order of things. It should happen or else her guy had some serious problem with his privates. Anf 4 her to furthermore read up on mens anatomy 4 further knowledge so she would stand as an complete moron. My point? That its the ultimate DUMBEST thing ya EVER can do to ya partner. Distrust leads to suspicioins n u paint the devil anywhere, when u have no call 4 it. As one once said, not all ya hear n see are gold, much of it is a pile of crap fresh made by ur own doings. zera Fancy 11/12/07 5:57pm Hum, I did check vm undetected, had no idea heard a female voice saying call me on my cell, my home I just left work. He claimed he was innocent and she was stalking. never trusted him after that. Heard another woman a few months later claimed it was his cousin, called the # they didnt know anyone by that name. HUMM he up and wanted to leave. all of a sudden after 7 years I was a "b$$" and snooping. Yeah right, if you dont have any thing to hide then someone looking wont matter, Me I dont care if anyone listens to my vm or checks my emails nothing there to hide. If something is open then you know there is not a need to check up and see it is when they try to hide and keep things secret then there is a problem B. 11/12/07 5:43pm I think if I trust someone we should share everything. 'course I've got no signifcant other right now but when I did we shared everything with one another. I keep no secrets and i don't expect anyone else to and I'm really incredibily nosey. Missi 11/12/07 4:56pm We don't hide thing's from each other! It's an open honest relationship and we both look at each others phone's ande-mails. If you have a secure and a stable,even tho they do get rocky, but you have to work them out 2-getther,You SHOULN'T NOT B ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS PHONE! Honesty and trust r the key words. If U have to worry 'bout that, u ned 2 find someone u can trust!!! Louise 11/12/07 4:46pm Cheating is cheating, whether you're 300 miles away or not. If you love someone so much, you woukdn't even consider flirting with anyone other than your partner. It's wrong. Bam Bam 11/12/07 4:35pm As I said snooping just to snoop NO WAY. But, you can get proof of cheating without snooping? Exactly how is that? By trusting what other people tell you? I got proof in just that emails. Text messages that were sent to emails. How thick can you get? I suspected for sometime, but, wasn't sure. So, I found out. Some people are frozen by what their gut tells them they are too scared to leave because they fear they may be wrong it's simply too hard to believe your loving other could do this. But, ultimately I think people find out they're gut is right. Fear of finding out the truth can cause people to do nothing. So, snooping just to snoop no meaning no checking your spouses VM on their cell just for the hell of it. Amanda 11/12/07 2:15pm First off as far as cheating goes you can get proof without snooping.Most of the time you know it without ever having to invade their emails or text messages. Believe me women and men have caught SO's cheating long before the internet so to me the opening of email is crap pure and simple. Most of the time what I see is suspicion grounded in nothing other than paranoia, but no actual facts. I have seen good men loose many jobs due to over jealous females and vice versa. Believe me I do believe in a seperation of space and if you have half a brain in your head then you'll know whether or not a person is lying to you and all of that. Snooping is out. If you don't have trust you don't have anything and it's best to just give it up. After all, the rpoblem may lie with the snooper and not the snoop-ee Chase 11/12/07 1:56pm Flitring online with anyone over 300 miles away is not considered cheating. That's the 300 mile rule. :-) Infinite 11/12/07 11:10am Okay, I have a question for everyone...so if you spied and found your sig. other writing messages to people in other states, flirting and doing the "cyber-sex" thing, would you consider that cheating? WindWings 11/11/07 11:40am I said no because of course I absolutely trust my other half. But who knows, I have said in my younger years that I would not do this or not do that! but hey you get into certain circumstances and sometimes you don't know all there is to know about the people in those particular circumstances. So you do what circumstances dictate to you and your conscious - after all it is good to remember that what you do another you do to yourself. Bam Bam 11/11/07 7:09am Someone mentioned that you should talk to the other person about what your feeling. That communication solves a lot a things. While that may be true, the significant other isn't going to tell you the truth if they are actually cheating. Trust me on that one. The only reason they both amitted it was after I got proof. I had what i need to get out. Conflicting thoughts of trust and mistrust are more painful than the truth itself they can bring you to a state of inaction and denial which is really unhealthy. Finding out the truth is a release and it's empowering. If your snooping because you believe in your gut they are cheating and; you need to know that in order to leave or get it fixed. If your snooping just because you can then that's not too cool. But, it is as someone said in our nature. Missi 11/10/07 8:10pm Nope. I trust him. Yes, I know he's a man,but I did find a good one! We have to stop being so paranoid and worried and scared all the time that our man is boinkin' someone else. If he is, u don't need to snoop, hell, HE is a man after all, he'll f@*& it up somehow,get caught up in his lil' web of lies. I've been w/my hubby since I was 17(18 that month)and he was 25)now I'm 27 and he's 35 and it's not women & cell phones,it's money and paying the bills. That's ALL u should b worrying about if you are in a stable, even wobbly and argumentative stage. They eventually pass. So unless your man is a piece of sh!@ u shouldn't worry 'bout petty sh$# like kistening 2 his messages and emails. Get a life and find something better to do than stalk your man!!!!! If u don't trust him,LEAVE.Period.Screw who's on the phone. Moonlight 11/10/07 10:20am I was surprised to see how many people voted no. Curiosity is in one's nature. Looking at your significant others email doesn't necessarily mean you don't trust that person. To me it is like the old addage of wondering what is in a persons medicine cabinet or refridgerator. Personally I wouldn't have a problem with my sweetheart checking mine with or without my permission. Phoenix 11/10/07 12:19am I think if you feel you need to spy then you're with the wrong person in the first place. If you can't completely trust the one you're with being in that relationship is pointless. If you feel suspicious then you need to discuss it with them. Communication solves a lot of problems. Nero 11/09/07 10:43pm I think that if you have to sneek through someone's personal information then you two have no trust and you dont deserve to have that person as your significant other.. But on the other side of it, some people are just ruthless and dont care about the tender feelings of their other so its a good Q and deserves a good argument Bam Bam 11/09/07 9:45pm I don't think it "spying" should be done just to do it simply because you have a chance. But, if someone feels in their gut they are being lied to or cheated on I believe they have a right to find out. I knew something was wrong once and it made me second guess myself and trust the very people that were deceiving me. After looking the proverbial monster in the face it made me stronger and I have never second guessed myself ever again. It's good to look and find the truth if you feel it's necessary. It was the best thing I could have ever done! The truth really does set you free! Zera 11/09/07 8:16am 1st off, Jimmy Jones, RIGHT ON!!!! 2nd, Jade, How old r u anyways??? 3rd Jeff, HEAR HEAR !!! I say, why look 4 trouble in the 1st place? If u distrust ur partner, then u as a person has a problem. Yes ur partner could b an cheating one, but why when u distrust u assume ur partner is at fault? Now I´ve adviced n helped many over the years, n one thing stands out is, women r more curious than men r regarding these things, AND they also distrust more n faster than men. Plus women tend to jump to conclusion faster. A very wise woman once said, clean ur own front palor first, b4 u go clean others. By this she meant, b4 accusing look inside n at urself 1st. Bubblz 11/08/07 2:00pm I said no but hey, you never know,anything can happen! Amanda 11/08/07 5:01am I veiw email and text messages just like snail mail. It doesn't have my name on it therefor it's none of my business. Hell even my roomate can push a few buttons and open all my emails if he wanted seeing as how we share a puter. If you notice the question simply asks given the chance would you? It doesn't give circumstances at all. In the context of this question the answer is no. As far as secrets, tyhere is a difference between privacy and secrets..a big one. Bam Bam 11/07/07 8:34pm Ruth, so do me and mine. We do everything together, our emails are always open and accessible without passwords. We are still individuals who haven't lost ourselves after marriage and we have no need for spying or keeping things to ourselves either. We are married after all everything that affects me affects my better half and vise versa. No one should have to spy and I don't beleive in secrets if your married or deeply involved. But, I also believe if someone's gut is telling them to look deeper, than you should, you just might be right and then you can get out with some dignity. But, if that person is wrong then the persons a total **** for not being more trusting and the person definitely needs to examine their own issues of mistrust. Ruth 11/07/07 7:55pm 1. we trust each other 2. we have never lied to each other 3.we know each other's passwords 4. we open any and all e-mails together Amanda 11/07/07 5:47pm Adria I have been married. I have never opened my husbands mail, gone through his wallet or anything of the sort, even though he did it to me. You know why I don't? Because he did it to me and it was a horrid violation. If you really think everyone here is lying then obviously you have issues..and thats sad. There are some of us who do have ethics and standards. Adria 11/07/07 4:23pm Everyone who said no is lying,they know they would! Teejaye 11/07/07 1:53pm My spouse has no friends since he thinks he's better than everyone else. he'd have to pay someone to talk to... and if they get paid alot, maybe they'd even listen lol he sucks... Ana 11/07/07 12:43pm I have no interest whatsoever in spying on my husband. We've been married 12 years and trust each other. And I have no time to waste spying on him - I have much better and more interesting things to do with my time. Maxine 11/07/07 12:28pm I plead the fifth. Amanda 11/07/07 5:23am Jose I totally disagree. Everyone has a right to privacy and even though I may have a significant other that does not give him Carte Blanche to my personal mail, my emails, my phone calls. I am still an individual with a personal life. I do not owe it to leave my life open to my SO's reveiws and nor does he owe that to me. of course I am noty one of those 'togetherness' people. I personally insist on my personal time to persue the things in life I enjoy and I insist my SO does the same. While I may be a part of a couple I am still me and refuse to loose me in the equasion. Jose 11/06/07 10:00pm In a relationship, there are no secrets. Thus, everything should be open for viewing by the significant other. Jeff 11/06/07 4:03pm Spying on someones emails or listening their voice mails without permission is a gross violation of their privacy. Even if I didn't get caught, the guilt alone would be overwhelming. It's just the way I was brought up I guess. I've noticed this "anything goes as long as you can get away with it" type of mindset these days and I think it reflects poorly on a person's character. Christine 11/06/07 11:59am I don't have to spy on him. I know what kind of person he is and he wouldn't be up to anything anyway. And if you answered yes, you are either with the wrong person or you have insecurities and trust issues. Amanda 11/06/07 11:08am You know looking at the question again it simply asks would you peak..it doesn't give a reason for doing it and then you see people refer to cheating as if that justifies a violation of privacy. I agree with ritch, if you don't trust them dfon't be with them..everything else is just drama. Rich 11/05/07 9:18pm Thanks girls, its nice to see that there are people out there that do think of other peoples feelings than just thier own. If you are feeling that you need to distrust someone that your with , you may need to relook at your relationship and see what it is really about. Amanda 11/05/07 4:35pm Thanks Diane. Personally if I feel the need to be sneaky then bottom line theres just something wrong. I really don't need to have a full detailed pic of who he is doing and all of that. I know what I need to know. I mean I see things this way, what if he wasn't cheating, you break into his privacy and perhaps you find out that it's somwething else all together that is a very personal issue for him and he isn't ready to share it. Let's say he was actually seeing a therepist or something like that? Or maybe planning a wonderful suprise for you two? How would a person feel then? Personally I'd feel horrible. I just feel like everyone has a right to their privacy and honestly, you KNOW if he's(or she's) cheating..you don't need the gory details. Lori 11/05/07 2:28pm It took me 30 years to find the right man. He spent the better part of over a year to gain my trust. Now, I must return that gift & trust him. Diane 11/05/07 1:40pm Yeah, confronting works (NOT)--if they are cheating, they are going to lie about it anyway. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to who found out their significant other was cheating by breaking into their email accounts, or checking the text messages on their cell phone when their SO wasn't looking. And I agree with Amanda...if you find yourself breaking into his/her email account, or sneaking looks at messages on their phone, somethign is wrong with the relationship and you should get out NOW. Amanda 11/05/07 11:28am I wouldn't. Personally I don't want someone to treat me that way and the bottom line is if you feel you need to spy there's something wrong. Why on earth stay with someone you cannot trust? If I think theres something wrong then there probably is and I need to confront the person about it. Jade 11/05/07 9:39am I would because i think its fun cause it nosie Christine 11/05/07 7:29am I am currentlly doing so and am finding him setting up "playdates" with a younger woman who has high school friends and is 21 years old! Who do I scream at 1st, him or her? She started the entire thing!!!! Jimmy jones 11/05/07 6:19am WHEN U LOOK FOR DIRT U FIND IT!! Tracy 11/05/07 6:06am Excuse me, who is the one lieing? look in your own mirror,,thats like going threw anothers purse,wallet, or drawer..and another thing,depends on the company one keeps!! Brittany 11/05/07 12:15am Your "gut" feeling tells all. I was married and so in love and would have never thought my husband would cheat on me. However, some things started to change and my "gut" told me something was wrong. The text messages said it all. We are now divorced and he is very unhappy with the one he cheated with who is now carrying his baby!!! Shamapriya 11/04/07 11:18pm I would definately spy if I thought they were in danger or cheating on me. Otherwise not. And I have! Dawn 11/04/07 10:31pm I agree with you, Tonya! Tonya 11/04/07 10:21pm For those of you who said no, your lying!